Understanding

As I sat down this morning the thought “It is well with my soul.” came to my mind. Understanding is a tug of war in my soul. Everyone likes understanding, right? It is like you feel at ease with understanding. I seek after it, I long for it, I crave to understand.

For as long as I can remember, if I did not have understanding about a certain thing, I felt so uneasy. Fear would settle into my spirit, thus affecting my days. The anxiousness in my belly seem to never disappear. I longed for understanding. I would sit or lay going through every nook and cranny of the words or situation, trying to gain understanding. For me the longing for understanding in this way can be a life thief. Just last night, I was running things in my mind over and over, yes, seeking to know every aspect of the “thing”. All the while, I spent almost the entire day praying under my breathe, or in my car, or at my desk that God would take care of the “thing.” This “thing” I have told The Lord, “I lay it at your feet.” However, I lose sleep trying to understand. Well, that is me. That is what I do. Even analyzing this, trying to understand myself..lol I realize, I have a trust problem. A trust problem creates fear, a fear problem creates a control problem and a trust, fear and control problem creates an anxiety problem.

Although, I have sought understanding all of my life…in an unhealthy way, when I look back down the road, I have had more days I did not understand than days that I did. However, I in the end was taken care of. Many days, I had no control but yet God supplied all of my needs. Let’s take money for example, as a young mother if I broke say a $20, I would put the dollar bills in vases in drawers throughout my home. I did this so I would feel confident and safe to know I had some money somewhere. I feared constantly of not having enough. I had an allotted number of diapers my child could use each day. I would get a headache watching the digital gas gage in my car, making sure I used a certain amount of gas a day. I even went as far as leaving the tags on my clothes, just in case I ran out of money. At this point, you’re probably thinking I am a crazy lady. I would somewhat agree with you. : ) However, I was lead by fear and fear caused me to control. In reality, though, I never was in control. At one point I was laid off. I refused to seek help from the government (not condoning this behavior at all). I was down on my luck and bucks. I had very little food in my home with a 7 and 8 year old. I had no control at all. No money in the vases or drawers, no $20’s to break, flat broke. One night, the kids and I were sitting on the couch when I saw a shadow on my porch. I go outside to see about 4 or 5 bags of groceries on the porch. The groceries lasted until I had money to get more.

That may not be such a big miracle to you but for me, I will always remember. There are other instances when God supplied my needs and not me myself. At the time, having no understanding and no control was horrific for me, however those very times are the memories that my minds eye glances over when I lose faith today. You know that thing, “all things work together for the good of those who love him?” That thing! Now that’s understanding, not control but understanding.

This morning, I read this scripture: ““As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all.” It is good to learn, to learn all you can take in, however not having understanding for everything that happens is okay. Could it be a God thing? I say yes! When I remember back, the times I did not have understanding, the times I had no control are the exact times that God showed up and created something beautiful in the midst of it all. Since I was a young girl, I would tell the Lord “don’t allow me to stay the same.” “Grow me every single day.” I earnestly believed I wanted that, however mistrust was embedded in my bones from a very young age, I’d say toddler stage. I really didn’t give Him much to work with, lol.

You’ll never figure it all out, I’ll never understand something’s and “It is well with my soul.” When you ask God to “make you what you ought to be”, you may not obtain, hold on, control with understanding. It is impossible to understand His ways, especially during the test. However understanding is not the victory, change is, growth is, faith is, trust is. So to this I say today, “it is well with my soul.” Thank you Jesus for allowing me to grow. Thank you Jesus for not allowing me to stay the same. Thank you Jesus for allowing me to learn to lean and forgiving me in my doubt. Teach me Thy ways, Oh God. It is my soul’s desire to draw close to Him, lean not on my own understanding but place my trust in Him. That is when your life is made beautiful by the complete handiwork of God. If your weight is too heavy, you are carrying something that is not yours to carry. Turn it over, leave it there and allow God to create beauty out of ashes and I promise you this….it will be the very “thing” that gives you strength in years to come, when you look back down the road. He is a glorious God.

James 1:2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

 

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Chorus:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

A Masterpiece

Ephesians 2:10-17

10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

11 Wherefore remember, that ye being in time past Gentiles in the flesh, who are called Uncircumcision by that which is called the Circumcision in the flesh made by hands;

12 That at that time ye were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world:

13 But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ.

14 For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us;

15 Having abolished in his flesh the enmity, even the law of commandments contained in ordinances; for to make in himself of twain one new man, so making peace;

16 And that he might reconcile both unto God in one body by the cross, having slain the enmity thereby:

17 And came and preached peace to you which were afar off, and to them that were nigh

Thinking about our sessions and what to talk about today, the word Forgiveness kept coming to mind. I do believe we cannot be successful unless we forgive. I will not be the one to tell you when your forgiveness should come as we all have different layers of hurts. However, I do understand that it is necessary. We can still love and not forgive. But this will come out in how we react to others. Understanding plants the seed of forgiveness to sprout. In these sessions we will receive emotional, spiritual, and scientific understanding but we will also receive understanding about ourselves and each other.

It is easier to forgive when we realize that WE are God’s masterpiece, made to do good works. Sometimes we can more easily find forgiveness when someone messes up because we have understanding what they’re capable of, understanding allows for forgiveness. He knew each of us in our mother’s womb and has already prepared His good works for us. There is no separation or discrimination here. What we see sometimes can barricade another in their addiction, depression, eating disorder ect. because we see a mess but God already created a masterpiece with a plan of good works.

When I think of this, God creating you and me beautiful with a plan, it reminds me of days that I couldn’t see my plan, I couldn’t find the beauty and never would think of myself as a masterpiece but truth is, it was there all the time, from the beginning. Our thought process forms from many different reasons, keeps us bound and possibly others. You see if the plan was made from the beginning, obtaining that plan doesn’t come from my good works but from the very love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. It was there all the time, waiting patiently for me to accept to go beyond my own notions and accept what he already has in store. It isn’t like we perceive it to be…. a mountain so high that we are constantly struggling to obtain grace and mercy, forgiveness and victory. That is our mindset and the mindset of our loved ones. Truth is, I sometimes fall back into this mindset, it is a habit…I relapse in my habit of struggling with rejection, hopelessness and unworthiness, EVEN I am not exempt from relapse, no I don’t turn to a drug but GOD but I do turn to sleep and honestly it can become a downward spiral as well…but when I have encouragement and love from other’s I once again can remember God’s got me and I cannot do enough, be enough to be loved, His love was freely given to me from day one. My memory is jarred by someone who is willing to freely give their love, to be like Jesus. Forgiveness was there from the beginning, we are not forgiven or good enough from our good works. However we are forgiven that we may be able to do good works for the glory of God, each of us…clean and unclean-OUR LABELS. Let’s constantly be reminders.

The separation between the Jews and the Gentiles, the clean vs. the unclean, the acceptable vs. the unacceptable was bridged by the blood of Jesus. No longer did you have to fit into a specific class or group to be a child of God. We now through grace can be grafted into the family of God regardless of our nationality, race, name, faults, failures….it is through his blood we all can obtain LIFE. It is through Him that we are able to do good works for his glory….and it is also through him that we find the HOPE in forgiving that our loved ones will too do good works for his glory. Not good works by our own ability but good works because we were enabled with a God plan from the beginning, just as they were. Godly Forgiveness, understanding, and kindness will bring you and your loved one together in peace. It will tear down the barricades of preconceived ideas, hurts, and failures, betrayal and so on. We were forgiven, we have obtained mercy, so that we can do those good works preset for us to do. Peter betrayed Jesus, three times…however because of forgiveness Peter became the driving agent of the Gospel, the rock, the church. The masterpiece and plan is there for your loved one as well. Let’s help them see themselves as Jesus see’s them, His masterpiece made for GOOD by treating them as Jesus has treated us.

Graft: a shoot or twig inserted into a slit on the trunk or stem of a living plant, from which it receives sap.

Challenge

Dare to graft them in, regardless of what we can see…share the sap that feeds their soul to good health. Doesn’t mean enable but does mean forgive so that you may show love.

FAITH 1