5 years ago today, my granny passed away. I do not speak much about this because I just go about life as if she was at home waiting for my visit. Reality is not my thing if I can escape it, I will. I suppose that is why I am such a vivid day dreamer.
My grandmother’s death was a complexing event in my life. She passed two days before my wedding day. She passed during the celebration. I am not sure I have ever experienced such joy and heartache all at one time. It surely was a curve ball to the heart.
My granny was like a second mother to me. She was my confidant, my safe place and mentor in the way that she gave without reservation. I love my granny more than I could ever explain. Since I could remember I would think about the day that she would pass away. I know that sounds strange but I tried to prepare my heart to lose such a beauty because I think if I am prepared I can control the situation. However, leave it to her to leave us in a way that no one could be prepared for, two days before my wedding day. She was not a typical gradma. She was tall, had long fingers and big feet. She never cooked me a delicious homemade meal, she did not hug me alot or sugar coat life. She was a hardworker, her veins stuck out on her hands, she whipped our tails with yard sticks and used harsh words at times. You never wondered if you had a safe place to go though, she was always there. She was the best listener and slow to give advice. She loved with her works like no one I have ever met. She gave more than she had on most days and you didn’t have to be blood to receive. She took no grief from anyone, she carried her own battles well. She was strong and loved strong. She was my hero. Everyone was family. I think what stuck out the most to me about my granny was a few times a year I would watch her invite two people into her home with no regard. These two people I knew had hurt her. Her ability to forgive baffled me. I wanted to be like her when I grew up. I wanted to forgive and I wanted to give without regard and I wanted to love hard and strong. She honestly was a candle in a dark room.
I am thankful for the time I had with granny and all the lessons she taught me. Today, on the anniversary of her death, just two days from my 5th wedding anniversary, I am thankful for the lesson she taught me through her passing. I had no idea how a lesson could come from her death, OHHH but it did. How important it is to celebrate the victories in the midst of grief. Grief will come, heartaches are inevitable, pain is a part of life but if we hold on to those things too close, to tight, we can miss out on the celebrations ,the victories, the blessings that are before us.
I think it was last winter bad weather was trying to hang on longer than we like. It was in March and we had a snowfall. My husband and I was driving through the park. I looked up and there were these beautiful pink blossoms poking through the snow covered limbs on these trees. It just clicked in me, God truly makes something beautiful out of every single situation in our lives, when we allow him too. He grows us through the storm and somehow the storm allows our blossoms be so vivid and full of color, just like the blossoms poking through that snow. The pink was brighter than what I had remembered seeing it in the Summer, the blooms looked so much more full than I had noticed them before. Immediatly I thought about my granny’s death in the midst of my greatest blessing. I was grieving at the alter but yet I was receiving that day the greatest blessing of my life. March 12th, 2016 was the most beautiful day of my life yet in the midst of the storm. This day her selfless love for me shined like never before. She truly held on until she knew I was in the arms of safety. My prayer is that I can always put my self aside and love someone to safety until the day I die. Thank you, mamaw.
Many times since I have been complexed by circumstances maybe not being exactly right and yet I was living my best life. Sometimes in the midst of the loss you are heading to the blessing. Do not allow grief to blind you from your blessing or steal the joy of the blessing. I can guarantee you your blessing will glisten so much brighter after the storm. His glory will be revealed in such a greater way than you could have ever imagined. I am so thankful that God makes all things beautiful. I am so thankful for lessons that teach me how to embrace the blessings of God with gratefulness through it all.